Tip: Move with Resistance
A coaching tip for everyday magic
The Alchemists Clubhouse is a weekly newsletter of art, poetry, and coaching tips. Full members are invited to live workshops on Zoom and have access to the full archive of recorded workshops.
Special thanks to the Alchemists who attended my recent Basics of Change workshop, where this topic came up in the Q&A! Resistance is so central to the change process that I decided to write a whole coaching tip on it. Enjoy!
Negative thoughts, imposter syndrome, excuses, procrastination, distraction, self-critique, hopelessness, resignation, even sleepiness or sudden urges to clean the bathroom–all of these can be forms of internal resistance.
Note that the word resistance has an aggressive, oppositional connotation, so it’s not surprising that many of us believe our own internal resistance to change or to any kind of personal, professional, spiritual, or creative development is inherently bad, something to be squashed, eliminated, or otherwise gotten rid of.
Consider instead how social dancers view resistance - it’s actually one way to describe connection through touch. Some dancers prefer less, some more, but some amount of resistance between two bodies is required to move together, to co-create. It creates power, like electricity.
The resistance isn’t in the way, it’s literally The Way.
And this is how many coaching systems view resistance, too, as a neon sign that pulls the coach-client duet down the necessary path of discovery, though that path can definitely be shadowy and full of ghosts.
Yet that’s sort of the point. If what you want to do isn’t important and evolutionary for you personally, you won’t have any resistance around it. When it is important, resistance comes up as raw material for transformation. Most of the time, no matter what form your resistance is taking, it’s truly not in your way. It’s The Way.
When you’re working with internal resistance, you are dancing with yourself. By following it, asking questions, and learning more about it, you can discover what you need to know, feel, or see in order to ultimately lead yourself to your goal.
There are definitely other methods to achieve goals, but this one, moving with resistance, is the deepest. and also the most creative, meaning that very often the original goal is transformed into something even better than previously imagined.
Three Ways to Move with Resistance
Honor it. Even if you don’t understand it, a simple act of acknowledgement can lower the urgency around the resistance and soften the sensations that accompany it. Tell your resistance that you sincerely appreciate whatever it is trying to do for you. BONUS: Ask it what it is trying to do for you.
Let it speak. If your resistance could speak to you, what would it say? Remove all censorship and write freely for 5-10 minutes in a journal.
Get real. Resistance is always there for a reason. If it’s stopping you from doing something, but not ready to talk to you yet, ask your conscious mind, What do I get to do or not do, believe or not believe about myself as a result of this resistance? How am I benefitting from this, either materially or emotionally?
Want to learn more about the coaching process? Reach out to schedule a private consultation with Sharna.
Great advice! And beautifully articulated!