Tip: I notice
A coaching tip for everyday magic
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Most of us are well-practiced in describing our perceived flaws and challenges, and in describing what we are or are not, what we can or cannot do. If you observe these patterns of speaking and thinking in yourself or others, you’ll notice that they tend to sound rather absolute, like fixed attributes that are unchangeable. For example:
I’m bad at directions
I’m not a social person
I take on more than my share
It’s actually very useful to have the skill of identifying behavior patterns, and if you want to shift one of them, a first step can be as simple as a little language trick:
I notice that I think I’m bad at directions
I notice that I think I’m not a social person
I notice that I take on more than my share
Using “I notice that” puts some distance between YOU and the behavior itself, making it less connected to your identity, and therefore, a little less permanent.
If that trick awakens some curiosity, try this fill-in-the-blank sentence:
Instead of thinking I’m bad at directions, I’d like to believe I can learn to be more comfortable driving around my neighborhood
Instead of thinking I’m not a social person, I’d like to believe I can learn to make small talk at work
Instead of taking on more than my share, I’d like to believe I can let others help a little more
The second half of the sentence should be something that feels at least a tiny bit aspirational to you. In other words, your life would be better if it were true. There’s no right way to complete the sentence.
Here are the steps to try this with your own fixed descriptions:
Write 1-3 claims about yourself that feel true AND that carry a negative emotional charge
Write each of the same sentences again, adding “I notice” at the beginning of each one
For each claim, write the following sentence filling in the blanks: “Instead of [original claim], I choose to believe [new possibility]”
If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help you change habitual patterns, or if you would like support with a personal or professional challenge, please reach out for a private consultation.
