Tip: Crying is healing
A coaching tip for everyday magic
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Did you know that tears contain cortisol, the stress hormone?
Crying is an organic stress reduction body technology, like an automatic release valve. Yet it’s become culturally taboo, a sign of “weakness” or “lack of control.” Perhaps control is overrated.
I spent much of my 20s afraid that if I started crying I would never stop. As it turns out, lots of folks have this fear. I hear it from clients and friends now, like an echo of my former self. Once I started letting myself cry, there was indeed a lot of crying, or rather, frequent crying, but it did not last forever. In fact, I discovered that I could NOT actually cry for longer than about an hour at a time. My body needed a break!
Like laughing, crying or sobbing activates dozens of abdominal, chest, neck, and facial muscles in a way that effectively releases tension. The repeated contraction of either laughing or sobbing leaves your body slightly tired, but softer and calmer too.
It’s one of the body’s natural forms of healing.
Laughing might seem more socially acceptable than crying, but it was not always that way. In many older societies, grief rituals were as common as celebrations, and many historians point to the correlation between the two, meaning that groups who grieve more together tend to celebrate more together too.
Despite our contemporary obsession with privatizing everything, we are still wired to process our feelings together, not alone. Sharing all kinds of emotional experiences is what connects us, and that includes experiences of grief and grieving.
During all those years I was holding in my tears, I wasn’t smiling or laughing much either. I’m pretty ok with both now though. I still cry easily and probably always will: music, movies, gifts, recognition, bad headaches. Recently, my husband handed me a tissue before handing me a birthday gift. We both giggled. Then, predictably, a few tears appeared. They just came again now as I recalled this moment.
This month is the 5-year anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic. A million families in the US alone lost loved ones and millions more lost friends and family to geographic moves or ideological debates. Over the past five years, many have lost jobs, homes, plans, reproductive rights, and more. We’re now in the midst of a global “polycrisis” with losses of all kinds occurring so quickly and at such a massive scale that we can’t possibly track all of them at once.
So if you feel like crying, cry.
Grief is the normal and healthy reaction to loss. After crying, let yourself rest for a few minutes. If you feel like crying but can’t, seek out someone you trust to talk with about what’s on your mind or on your heart, however great or small it may seem to you.
It’s astonishing to me how the presence of an attentive friend, counselor, advisor, therapist, teacher, or colleague helps me to feel what I am holding in my own body.
If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help process strong emotions, or if you would like support with a personal or professional challenge, please reach out for a private consultation.
