Tip: Adjust the narrative
A coaching tip for everyday magic
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This tip works equally well for navigating your own mind and for navigating the currently overwhelming information landscape.
A narrative is a retelling of an event or series of events. It’s a story told from a specific point of view and often with a specific intent, whether conscious or unconscious. A narrative is not fact, per se. It is an interpretation of something that happened or that was claimed to have happened.
Here’s an example of the difference in an internal monologue:
Example of a factual event: “I deleted a piece of writing.”
Example of a narrative: “I stupidly deleted a piece of writing that I needed.”
Here’s an example of the difference in a news headline:
Example of a factual event: “Fires burned in Los Angeles.”
Example of a narrative: “Because of incompetent Democratic leadership, the fires in Los Angeles burned out of control.”
Notice that in both of these examples, the event is simply information. It sounds neutral when you read it. The narrative, however, has an agenda. It offers an explanation, and very often that explanation carries an emotional charge. It feels bad when you think it.
When the narrative is inside your head, it will push you to perform a certain behavior that seems logical based on its own reasoning. If I’m stupid and careless, then it “makes sense” to work hard to “fix” this “flaw” in my character, to do extra work to compensate for it, to deprive myself of joy until it is gone.
The problem is that emotionally charged narratives are not actually facts, even though they can feel as though they are. They are only interpretations of facts. They are distorted feedback loops that get played over and over again, often for our entire lives, unless interrupted and re-written with new narratives.
Here are some potential alternative narratives for the internal monologue:
Alt. Narrative 1: “It’s too bad that I deleted that piece of writing, but I know can re-write it.”
Alt. Narrative 2: “Deleting that piece of writing was a mistake anyone could make and probably has before.”
Alt. Narrative 3: “In my effort to do a good job quickly and efficiently, I accidentally deleted a piece of writing that could have been useful.”
There is no one correct narrative. There are infinite points of view you might take to interpret the same event. The reason coaches are trained to work with client narratives is that when we interpret events with compassion and understanding, we actually perform better and live happier lives. Charged narratives elevate stress and lower our capacity for joy and connection.
You can begin to self-coach yourself toward more compassionate narratives by noticing the link between your emotions, your thoughts, and your behavior.
Some questions to ask yourself:
When I feel this way, what am I thinking?
When I think this thought, what do I tend to do or not do?
When I think this thought, how do I feel about myself or others?
If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help reset internal narratives, or if you would like support with a personal or professional challenge, please reach out for a private consultation.
