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This is a subtle (and silent) coaching technique that is a whole lot more powerful than it sounds. It’s also a creative principle of improvisation, which makes it doubly special in my personal book of magic tricks.
Holding the possibility for someone else means that you focus on the knowledge that a different (better) situation is available to them, even (especially) when they do not in that moment see or feel this to be true themselves. Maybe a friend is ready to give up hope of finding a loving partner. Another might be overwhelmed with work and unable to see a way to relief. A third, discouraged after multiple setbacks on a project.
Whatever the struggle, holding the possibility means that you choose to believe that positive change is possible for that person, and on their own terms. You must both know this as absolute truth in your mind and also feel it as absolute truth somatically in your body for it to “work.” You do NOT need to know how the change will happen, and in fact, you cannot know.
When you hold the possibility, even when you have no idea what it might be, many people will literally have new thoughts of their own in your presence. New options, choices, pathways and solutions will appear in their own mind.
In one client example, a writer came to me after a publisher rejected his manuscript. He was ready to give up completely on this dream. I could not advise nor instruct him in what to do next, but I could hold the possibility for him and ask a few strategic questions to support his process. Three weeks later, he called to say he had signed a contract with a new publisher. He’s currently on his fifth book.
Does it always happen like this? Of course not. But things like this have happened to me often enough that holding the possibility is a core element of my coaching work and a core practice in all of my creative practices. You can do it for your friends and loved ones, too, even without words.
When you hold the possibility, the other person can, if they wish, find their own resonance with the field of the possible through you. Importantly, you are not denying their current reality nor telling them to be or think differently. On the contrary, you acknowledge it fully, and at the same time, you are a bridge, an open door, an invitation to some unknown future. And that, remarkably, can be enough!
How to hold the possibility:
Choose to believe something better is possible.
Conjure a felt sense of possibility in your body. To identify what this might be for you, recall a time in your life that you felt hopeful, excited, or even curious about the future. Note any physical sensations in your memory. Call those back to you whenever you want to practice holding the possibility for someone else.
YES!!! 100%. It's just that with very tough situations, it can be difficult to do for yourself. Whenever I say to myself in desperation, "I just don't know how this could ever...." – that's when I need someone else to hold the possibility for me.
Can I do this for myself?