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In many fairy tales and fantasy stories, there is a monster who appears as a fearsome enemy to some characters and as a magical ally to others. Whether the monster becomes enemy or ally depends largely on the character’s relationship with it, or rather on their willingness or ability to create a positive relationship with it through acts of humility, inquiry, sacrifice, gifts, or attention. In other words, by their ability to accept and co-exist with it rather than reject and try to eliminate it.
Monsters that dwell in the imaginary landscapes of our interior worlds follow a similar pattern. If I reject any part of my history or personality, that part of me tends to ball itself up in my tissues as a resentful gremlin that growls or snaps every time I try to step outside my comfort zone. It over-reacts to criticism and hides under a blanket.
It does not help at all for me to get mad at the gremlin, complain about it, or try to stuff it deeper inside myself. What helps is for me to set aside some quiet time and humbly approach with a plate of cookies, and to say “I’m sorry, I have not been paying enough attention to you. I see you now, and I would like to do better.”
If you have a monster lurking within your nervous system (or an inner critic, a shadow, or another similar creature), you might want to try honoring it by asking a few simple questions. You can do this in a journal, and automatically write the answers as they come to you, without thinking, or you can ask internally and “listen” for the response, which may come in the form of words, images, sounds, changes in temperature or density, or other sensations.
Honoring the Monster
What do you need?
What do you want?
What would you like me to know?
All responses can be valuable, even healing, and do not need to “make sense” in the intellectual way we are used to. In fact, they will probably seem to have their own “logic.” Remember that honoring monsters does not put them in charge of your behavior. You are always in charge of your choices and of the meaning you give to your experiences.
Often, when you engage in this sort of practice, what appeared to you initially as a “monster” soon transforms into a magical ally.
Experiment with this and please share your discoveries in the comments! If you’d like to learn more about the coaching process, reach out to me for a private consultation.
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